White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
