What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
