I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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