im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
