Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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