Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
