White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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