i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
