Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
