I look better un-naked...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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