Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
