I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize