I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
