She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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