Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
