just come out here and I will go home with you...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
