dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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