your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
