I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
