You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
