I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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