if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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