Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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