My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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