C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
