weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
