thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
