Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
