So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
