I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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