Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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