I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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