everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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