I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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