FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
