Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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