so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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