This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
