I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
