also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.