I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..