I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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