TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.