I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.