How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
