You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
