youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
