Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
