I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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