Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
