By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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