I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
