Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
