soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
