I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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