nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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