I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
