i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Are we still banned from the library?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
