does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
