First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
