Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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