I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
