had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
