So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
